What happens when we see someone, where should we learn to focus and what is it that we usually do? See the essence of a person and do not suffice to look.
Automatically, when we meet or know a person, our minds incorporate it into some categories: woman - man, young - old man, but also employee - boss etc. In other words our mind summarizes the different details under one category some still), which makes us able to act somewhat more automatically and easily, at least in the first contact. For example: "This is the waiter and I know what to do".
This is a labeling process and is obviously quick, effective and takes the basics. Indeed, as our ancestors evolved, the rapid classification of friends or enemies was very helpful. Physiognomies, body types, color, or other elements could be signs of blocking or approaching people.
However, categorization, especially according to the background of each person, has many problems. It determines the superficial characteristics of the person's body, such as age, gender, attractiveness or role. It leads to objectification of others (eg "beautiful woman", "figure of authority") instead of respecting their humanity.
It does not help to realize that a person that consists of changing characteristics is also a static unified entity. Categorization is the principle of the slippery inclination towards "us" and "them", towards prejudices and distinctions.
See it as if you were the object of judgment. Do you like the thought that someone else has been in a class? In fact, you have transformed yourself into a "self" that you have to manage or discard or, ultimately, use, which makes your real "ego" mean. How do you feel about it? Probably not very pleasant. So we take care very simply, not to do to others what we do not like to do to us.
How?
When you meet or talk to someone instead of reacting to what his body looks like or does or to the category that inevitably falls:
- Try to learn more about this person, such as if he is a son, brother, father, uncle, teacher, retired, fisherman, politically progressive or not, etc.
- Recognize some of the many thoughts, feelings and reactions that swirl around the mind of the other person.
- Knowing the complexity of your own mind, try to imagine some of the many contents that flow into their consciousness.
- Knowing your own changes, you can better understand your interlocutor in a nervous or calm moment. Observe the changes that happen to the other person.
- Knowing that there is more to you, beyond any label or category in general, that there is a mystery in your heart - perhaps a sacred - offer the other person the gift of having it or something similar in it.
First, try this practice with someone who is neutral to you, you do not know well, such as a passenger or someone who is looking at the same books with you. Then try it with people who are close to you - like a friend, family member or companion - and with people who are causing you, such as a crucial relative, bullying boss, or teenager rebel.
The more important the relationship, the more it helps to see the substance, not the physical condition of each one.
πηγή: psychologytoday.com
By Aggeliki Koskeridou
Holistic Doctor – Counseling Psychotherapist
Doctor of Naturopathic Medicine
MSc c. Health Psychology
insta: dr_aggelikikoskeridou_official
